Tuesday, October 11, 2016

I'm Not Sorry

We say sorry a lot. 

Sorry, I mean, we sometimes say things we shouldn't say or don't mean to say.

No. That's not right, let me try again. What I mean to say is that sometimes, we think we're saying one thing but we really mean something else and we don't want to cause anyone any sort of inconvenience for our thoughts or actions so we just apologize for it.

It happens. It happens way too much. You're in class or a meeting or working with a colleague and you ask for clarification on something, it goes a little like this, "I'm sorry, can you explain/show/demonstrate/do that again? I didn't understand the first time." Those are the words that come out of your mouth but what you're really saying is, "I'm sorry for inconveniencing you with my question and I feel like I should justify what I'm about to ask and if you don't want to explain further it's completely understandable." I get it, I'm guilty of apologizing for stuff I do as well, that really doesn't need an apology for.

But what are we really doing when we apologize for our actions? Are we actually sorry about what we did? Do we really feel like we are causing another person harm or inconvenience or frustration? Chances are, we don't actually feel that way at all, sometimes, sorry is used as a synonym for excuse me. 

We live in a world today where inconveniencing someone or causing someone frustration or a little extra work is cause for apology because it's viewed as rude and offensive. Sometimes, people need to get offended by things in order to check them back into reality. Sometimes, others need to be offended by minor inconveniences in order for them to realize that everyone is different and the sun doesn't set on them. 

I'll keep it short and sweet, if nobody is hurt, don't apologize, you aren't doing anything wrong by asking for clarification, giving your ideas, speaking your mind, doing what's right for you or wanting something that's attainable. 

Holly Merlot is the owner/operator of Dahlia Pole located in St. Charles/St. Louis, Mo. Dahlia offers women empowerment classes such as pole and lollipop as well as pole, chair, twerk or burlesque parties.